What I’ve Learned About Marriage After 10 Years

I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since we got married. Some of you have been around since it all began.

I’d hardly call myself an expert on love or marriage. That’s not to say that after being married for a decade, I haven’t learned some important lessons along the way. So, here are 10 things I’ve learned in my 10 years of marriage.

What I’ve Learned About Marriage After 10 Years

Keeping God First: Realizing It’s Not About Us

Marriage has taught us that keeping God at the forefront of our relationship is most important. By prioritizing our faith and making God the center of our marriage, we have gained a deeper perspective on love, sacrifice, and selflessness.

Make sure you are praying with your spouse, for your spouse, and over your marriage. It is in the moments we join hands and bow our heads together that we ask God to cover our marriage. We seek His guidance in navigating the challenges marriage might bring and celebrating the joys.

Attending church together is another integral aspect of keeping God at the center of our marriage. Sharing the experience of worship and fellowship strengthens our spiritual bond. In the midst of a world that often encourages self-centeredness, attending church reminds us that there is something much bigger than ourselves.

We find peace in the understanding that our love and commitment to each other are divinely inspired and nurtured.

Patience: Marriage has taught me the art of patience—understanding that my partner and I are two unique individuals with our own perspectives and timelines. 

Admittedly, patience doesn’t always come naturally to me, and there were moments when my impatience would surface, particularly when I asked Colton to do something and it seemed to take an eternity for it to be done. I would find myself feeling frustrated and tempted to engage in arguments or shut down emotionally. However, through the ups and downs of our journey together, I realized the importance of taking a step back and reassessing the situation.

Instead of allowing impatience to take over, I learned to find humor in those moments when my requests seemed to take a lifetime to materialize. I discovered that it was more efficient and lighthearted to tackle the task myself, and while doing so, give him a playful eye roll or a shared chuckle. Doing so, not only diffused any potential tension but also fostered an atmosphere of understanding and flexibility.

So, while patience may not always come naturally to me (especially when I want something done) I’ve come to recognize its incredible value in our relationship. It’s an ongoing journey of self-improvement, reminding me to take a breath and to extend understanding even when my impatience wants to take over. 

Communication

When it comes to marriage, the phrase “communication is key” often echoes in our ears, and rightly so. However, I’ve come to realize that it’s not just any communication that holds the power—it’s effective communication that truly unlocks the door to a healthy and thriving marriage.

Open, honest, and compassionate communication forms the very foundation upon which our relationship is built. It is through this intentional exchange of thoughts and feelings that we bridge gaps, navigate challenges, and cultivate a profound emotional bond.

Early on, I held onto the misguided notion that my husband should just know what I wanted for my birthday anniversary, etc. without me having to express it. However, reality soon reminded me that he couldn’t read my mind, so it was important to be vocal. 

 I discovered that being vocal about my wants and needs not only benefited me but also strengthened our partnership. It enabled us to grow individually and as a couple, as we actively worked together to fulfill each other’s desires and create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

Fight Fair

In every relationship, disagreements, and arguments are inevitable. However, what truly sets couples apart is not the fact that they argue, but rather how they navigate those conflicts.

The key is to engage in fair and respectful fights. Avoid hitting below the belt or uttering words that can cause irreparable damage. Instead, make an effort to understand your spouse’s perspective and see things from their point of view. Colton and I have reached a point in our journey where, during arguments, our primary focus is finding a resolution rather than attacking each other.

We value harmony and seek to resolve conflicts swiftly and constructively. We actively listen to each other’s concerns and try to empathize with one another’s emotions. It’s important to remember that disagreements are not about winning or losing, but about finding common ground and reaching compromises.

Compromise and Flexibility

Compromise and flexibility are vital aspects of a successful and healthy marriage.

They play a significant role in fostering understanding, harmony, and growth within the relationship. Here are several reasons why compromise and flexibility are important in marriage. It helps with Resolving conflicts. Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. However, compromise allows couples to find common ground and reach mutually agreeable solutions. Flexibility enables you to adapt their perspectives and behaviors, making it easier to resolve conflicts and move forward.

Friendship as the Foundation

Colton and I met in high school and were friends before we created a relationship. While I don’t believe it is always necessary to be friends before lovers I do think you have to build a friendship within the relationship. Beyond being partners, marriage has taught me the significance of friendship. 

Being friends first provided us with a solid foundation. We knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses, dreams and fears. From reminiscing about our high school memories to creating new memories as a couple. 

Date Nights are Necessary

We try to have date nights weekly but don’t always love to go out for date nights. We love to do date nights at home. Regardless of the location, the essence of a date night lies in carving out intentional time for each other. It’s about prioritizing the relationship and making the commitment to foster love, connection, and growth as a couple. In the busyness of life, it’s easy to get caught up in work, responsibilities, and external commitments. Setting aside a specific time each week for a date allows couples to prioritize their relationship. It opens up avenues for meaningful conversations, active listening, and genuine connection. We love these cards for at-home date nights!

Sex is Important 

Sex is a vital ingredient in a happy and fulfilling marriage. While I won’t go into deep details, it’s worth emphasizing that a healthy sexual relationship plays a significant role in maintaining a strong connection in marriage. In particular, it’s important to acknowledge that men, for the most part, have a strong desire for sexual intimacy.

For them, it’s not just about physical pleasure but also about feeling deeply connected and secure in the relationship. Just as you appreciate your husband telling you that you look pretty or giving you a warm hug and kiss, it’s crucial to understand that regular sexual intimacy is a way for him to experience that same emotional connection. I really believe that sex serves as a powerful tool for couples to stay closely connected. We’ve embraced the art of spicing things up and love these dice from Amazon.

I may not be an expert, but I encourage you to show your husband some extra love and see the positive impact it can have on your marriage. 

Don’t be afraid to have fun with your partner and enjoy one another. 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

The saying “actions speak louder than words” couldn’t be truer when it comes to my husband. While he may not fit the traditional mold of a romantic, his love for me resonates deeply through his actions. There are no elaborate words, but in their place, I find a love that speaks volumes without him ever saying a word.
It’s in the moments when he takes charge of dinner, bath time, and bedtime with our children, effortlessly stepping in when I’m exhausted and need a break. He knows when to step up and be my partner, allowing me to take a much-needed backseat. It’s the simple act of washing the dishes, knowing how much I dislike going to bed with a sink full of dirty plates and doing it without me even having to ask.

It’s the sweet surprise of bringing me home my favorite snack from the store. 

Love shouldn’t solely be sought in grand gestures or words. It’s in the small acts of thoughtfulness, consideration, and sacrifice that speak volumes about the depth of his affection. 

Love Language – Learning each other’s love language in marriage helps create a deeper connection and a more fulfilling relationship.

Understanding and speaking your partner’s love language can work wonders in expressing love in a way that truly resonates with them. In our marriage, we discovered that I thrive on acts of service, while my Colton is all about physical touch and a sprinkle of words of affirmation.

Knowing that acts of service are my love language, Colton lovingly surprises me with small gestures that make my heart soar. Whether it’s taking care of housework without me asking, preparing a delicious meal, or running errands to ease my burden, these acts of service speak volumes of his love and consideration for me. They make me feel cherished, valued, and supported in the most beautiful way.

On the other hand, Colton’s love language is physical touch with a dash of words of affirmation. I’ve come to realize how a gentle touch or a hug can light up his world. And when I combine physical touch with words of affirmation, like reminding him of how great of a husband he is, expressing my love, and recognizing his strengths, it’s a reminder that my love for him is felt deeply in his heart.

Overall, 10 years of marriage has taught me that love is a conscious choice. It’s a daily commitment to show up, to love, and to actively participate in the growth and happiness of my partner. Love is not merely a feeling; it’s an action that fuels the flame of our shared journey. Cheers, to love!